i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
