The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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