I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We're too hungover to prance.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize