I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
