I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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