Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
