you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
