did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize