i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
