so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
