Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
