My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
