yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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