Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
