Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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