no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
