Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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