The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
