i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
