I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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