I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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