I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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