I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize