fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize