i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize