I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
