I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
