i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
