Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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