I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
