I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
