And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
