Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This baby is an asshole
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
