i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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