I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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