NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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