just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
