Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
40s are totally the cure
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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