soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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