ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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