if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
