that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
