woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
