Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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