Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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