Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize