the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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