Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When did angry sex become our thing?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
