so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
