dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize