Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
