I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
