I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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