I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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