I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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