I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
