I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
