Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
