Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
