you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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