When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize