Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
