I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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