Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
