i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
