these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
