It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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