When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
