I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
