batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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